During the snowstorms of early march my relationship finally reached its breaking point. In a haze of sensation, I was only able to extract myself with considerable effort. I fell onto a much-needed ground of meals in bed, my journaling practice, and the longterm friends who had survived that period of my life.
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I was struggling to balance the demands of my professional life and my relationship, which had suffocated me with its dark pull to the point of complete overwhelm. Frequent illnesses, accidents and trips to the emergency room for mysterious problems had started to become a normal part of our lives.
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The romantic rush I usually experience in the winter season had cooled off somewhat during the long, dark month of January. I was deeply immersed in trying to understand myself and what I wanted from my relationships, while being sucked into a highly domestic life that felt more and more like a vortex of intense emotions.
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In ihrer autobiografischen Graphic Novel „Dare to diasappoint“ beschreibt Özge Samanci, wie sie aufgewachsen ist – zwischen Atatürk-Porträts, obsessivem „Dallas“-gucken im Fernsehen und ihrem extrenzischen Istanbuler Onkel, der in einer alternativen Keller-WG lebt.
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In diesem Post gebe ich einen Einblick in meinen Arbeitsprozess an einer digitalen Illustration – vom Referenzfoto bis zum fertigen Bild.
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“Katz & Haus” ist ein Siebdruckprojekt aus meiner Studienzeit. Dabei handelt es sich um ein Poster, was als Bastelbogen benutzt werden kann.
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Meine Serie von Istanbul-Illustrationen, Ghost Town, wurde im Cercle Magazine vorgestellt, einem französischen Kunst- und Designmagazin. Das Thema des Magazins war “Geister”.
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In the cruelty of summer, and a newfound freedom to use public transport, my new relationship unfolded, but somehow it was fraught, like getting a plane off the ground. In a misguided attempt to overcome my fear of commitment, I was determined to do things differently this time, but scared of losing control, and at war with my own fear and desire.
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Ich freue mich sehr, dass gestern das von mir illustrierte und gestaltete Buch Şimdi heißt jetzt bei Slanted Publishers erschienen ist.
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After returning from Turkey, a new love interest appeared: A total stranger from a faraway country who made his lack of familiarity with my culture up in intensity. But especially since I had recently gained some self-awareness, I did not feel stable enough for turbulences of this kind.
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The feeling that hit me in Istanbul was very much the same one I had encountered 6 years prior, when I first did my art residency there: Like being on a ship, elated, but seasick with anxiety. Frantically trying to make sense of what I was experiencing, I finally became desperate enough to be honest and owned up to my year-long obsession with my former lover.
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In April I went on a group trip to Istanbul, the great love of my twenties. Newly equipped with audiobooks about anxiety and more aware of my mental state than ever, I was determined to use this trip to tie up some loose end with the city and the man who had been another great love – that I had failed to ever fully engage with.
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March was dominated by new way of leading my life in an effort to create peace in my body, a new permeability towards the world, but in the same masculine style of doing things, because it was all I had ever known.
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My psychological rock-bottom had driven me to finally read some of the books well-meaning people had been trying to give to me for years. I took this as an opportunity to question some long-held beliefs about my life, like needing non-monogamy to be happy.
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